So I sit on this committee, the BCMS. In theory, this group would be a lifegiving really amazing group to work with. They are working on hunting down the Holy Spirit, finding out where it is lurking and moving in the Diocese of MN. We are asking important questions like “What would happen if the episcopal church ceased to exist in the Diocese of MN?” and “What is our unique offering in this time and space?”
Really, good stuff.
But for some reason, this group somehow always manages to make me feel insignificant and, well like shit, evey time I meet with them. Here is todays quote. So – we were getting ready to welcome the larger group, and deciding on who would lead the opening prayer. It was decided by our fearless leader that it would be lay lead. So he said “B and I are the only lay leaders around the table, so we will lead this opening prayer.”
What the f!@#$%^& sam-hell am I, I thought to myself. I am a lay person. I am here. A few people glanced my way, and one said “What about R? She is a lay person.”
J then said “She works for the church, she does not count.”
I am fighting back tears, and am trying to cool off enough to really ask myself whether I can continue to serve in this group. It is fair to say that there are many on this team who recognize my struggle with always feeling left out, thrown aside, and disregarded. They don’t know how to help me. It is not the whole team that treats me with the lack of respect that I think I deserve. I might even go as far to say that it is one person.
God give me the courage to know that it is in serving that I am served. Help me to remember that it is your power, your call, your wisdom that I draw my strength from. Help me remember that while others may overlook me, you never do. You are God, and I am yours. Not theirs. Yours. Grant me kleenex. Amen.