The Story of Ma: Part 4

The story would start to come together, but still to this day there is so much I don’t know with regards to what really happened. I am not sure I ever will.

Baby sister came home from the dance at around 1 am, and saw my mom asleep in the living room in her Lazy-E-Boy chair that she slept in sometimes. Sis went to bed. Shortly after it seems my mom would walk, 7 miles up the road, in February, with nothing more that a pair of jeans, her nike shoes, a sweatshirt, and her big brown down jacket on. She did have a bag with her, but apparently it was not the one that had her bag/purse (with her wallet) in it. She just had herself and whatever was in that bag. She rang the doorbell at my dad and step-moms house at just after 2 am. They invited her in, and asked if she wanted to talk about it. She said that she was just really tired and wanted to get some sleep. So they offered her the spare bedroom, told her it was all going to be alright, and they would see her in the morning.

At around 7 am my step mom got up to put on some coffee and rolls, went to go say good morning to my mom, and she was not there.

They called me and my sister around 10 am, to see if we had heard from her. We had not, we called over to see if she went home. She didn’t. The search would officially start. The police were called, searching in the woods and around her house started. My dad and step mom looked for clues, hints, anything around their house that would give them any idea as to what happened.

The bedroom and bed she was offered early that morning, were nearly untouched. They thought there was a bottle from the liquor cabinet missing, as well as an afghan blanket. There was not any snow, so there were no tracks leading to a direction that she might have left in.

The options now for where she might be were now seemingly endless. We did not know if she had her wallet. We did not know so much. We still don’t. The facts were few, the theories were endless.

facts (we think):  She left home just after 1 am. She arrived at dad and step moms just after 2. She was having a hard time, enough to make her walk to their house. She had little to nothing with her. She did not seem critical enough to stay up and talk about whatever “it” was. She had been drinking earlier on either Friday night or Saturday morning, but was clear and OK enough when she showed up at dad and step moms house. She was not staggering or unable to walk. She seemed ‘fine’.

I don’t know, just don’t know what really happened. She was found, less than one mile away, May 9th, 2005. She was found by a man who was hunting for morrell mushrooms in the park reserve that my dad and step mom live in. (I still pray for that man, who I never met, because I can’t imagine what that would be like to push up into a human skull unexpectedly.)

The park is over 25 square miles. A huge park. There were over 5 searches, with dogs and FLR technology, hundreds and hundreds of people searched. For years. We searched the park, the places she walked, the places she liked to walk, the woods out back of her home. I consulted with psychics, mediums, psychic chat boards, even Sylvia Browne (who was so shockingly F’ing wrong – I can’t even stand it). We thought she might be at a little shack / cabin in the woods out west (because it belonged to a long lost family member).

Can you imagine – the whole world is your search field?

And do you watch those shows like Law and Order, or CSI? Isn’t it nice how the story wraps up in an hour? Can you imagine, your life suddenly becomes like one long episode that never ends? And what the hell do you do anyway? Give up? Not an option. Move on, well shit, you HAVE to. But how can you?

Its funny, every time I tell this story and then say that we did find her, and were able to have a 3rd and final memorial service for her, with what was left of her remains, now cremated, with us, people say “Well, that must bring you peace, you know…to know.”

Really? Do you hear yourself? Peace?

(to be continued… part 5)

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11 thoughts on “The Story of Ma: Part 4

  1. Finding your mom’s body only proved that your mother had indeed passed away. Unfortunately, it did not put to rest the emotional baggage that came with this story. The story is not over yet Rachel…(not sure how many more parts there would actually be to tell you the truth). We need to know what you went through from the time she disappeared to when you had the third and final memorial service. Are you willing to share that? In memory of your Mom’s birthday today? I love you and hope that this day brings some semblance of happiness in memory of the good that your Ma gave to the world. Most importantly to me…the gift of you!

  2. This too is a via dolorosa, of a not so different kind from the original I think.
    Thank you for your courage in allowing us to watch and pray with you as you walk this path at this time

  3. There will really never be total peace now will there?
    I thank you so much for trusting us with your story. I really cannot even begin to imagine.
    I am glad you are here with us. I love you friend and sister.

  4. As someone else said, thank you for honoring us by sharing your and her story with us. It takes so much courage to go on and to feel and work through these things in the time and way that feels right to you.

  5. Pingback: The Story of Ma: Part 3 « [not] dead to me

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