*WARNING – Rant without much full thought, just a stream, ahead*
This was the question posed to me today.
So how do YOU do that? Deal with the gay issue when it comes to raising up leaders in your church? Like, was my "blessing" recognized by my church? If so – like – how? Because… then how do they (in my church – the episcopal tribe) monitor appropriate behavior, for like, the Visions and Expectations of a pastor or priest? I mean, without being married, how are you supposed to hold someone accountable in a relationship, if there is no marriage? Can the person just be in whatever relationship they want like, whenever? If there is no marriage, then how do you say you can’t move in together before marriage? When can you co-habitate?
AAAAgggghhhhh! (breathe, ok…)
The person who asked is a dear. I really like this person, feel that the question was really asked out of a sincere place of love and concern about how to move forward in light of what the sexuality study (recently released here for your sleeping.. errr… reading pleasure) does not say.
But when really trying to listen and respond respectfully all I heard in my head was are you F’ing kidding me? Marriage is a way to hold pastors accountable for their behavior? Really? The two that I was raised with BOTH cheated on their wives with a parishioner. And what, us queers are just so hyper sexual that we can’t help but want to be sexing all over the place? Like, hmmmm, I’d like to preach – but isn’t that parishioner in the front pew a hottie? I’d do her/him. COME ON!
Why you gotta go all super homophobic on me people?
Here’s the deal. If you – the community – take the time to weed out the frickin’ whackos (and I am not saying gays are whackos – I am more talking about all who are living outside of however you define Godly behavior… and I think you are cracked to lump all queers into this) in discernment before the person gets to seminary (at the church and synod level), you have a better chance at raising up the kinds of leaders that you are looking for. If you actually take the TIME to be in relationship with people, instead of making blanket judgments about all gays or all lesbians (and the bis and trannys too!), you can learn what it is that the Spirit is saying to Gods people in and through a whole population that you cannot hear. Yes, it takes more time, yes, it means slowing down the process sometimes. But instead of saying no no no… let us seek ways to hear the yes! that God is asking us to hear.
And marriage? C’mon. Marriage is WORK, gay or not. Marriage is a gift, not a weapon to keep people in or out. It is not a measure of faithfulness.