I AM “married”

My beautiful friend at Choral Reef wrote a beautiful post in honor of Write to Marry Day, today. Please go read her post, its so amazing. Better than mine will be by a long shot. But, she invited me to write, so here I am.

Here is the thing, I have been thinking about it all day, building a case, laying out an argument, coming up with all the clever zings that would convince you, beg you, ask you nicely or even belittle you into knowing, KNOWING that the right to marry for all people is just what needs to happen. If I lived in California, I would vote NO on Prop 8.

But you know what, I can't argue this point. Why? Because it is just simply the right thing to do. No drama, no arguing. I know in my lifetime, I will get to move on, and stand up and speak out for justice issues that I am really passionate about, like hunger and homelessness. 

But until then, you'll get me, and others, yammering on about why I want to be afforded the same rights as my straight married friends. What rights you ask? My friend over at Choral Reef says it best I think.

There are more than 1400 federal rights and protections that accompany a marriage license. We have exactly zero legal standing as a couple, despite our eleven years together. 

Sweetie and I are just two years in, and I could just throw up thinking about my friend, and her beloved, without equal rights/protections for 11 years. *ugh*  In Minnesota there 515 laws

Look, I am happy to talk to anyone, any day, any time about why this is the right thing to do. But for me, the only thing I can think to do is to be a witness. My life, OUR life, will be our message. I love Sweetie, more than I ever thought I was ever capable of loving anyone in the whole wide world. God willing I will be beside her for all of my days and hers. I took those vows on November 11, 2006 and I intend to keep them. I am no freak, I do not want to wreck anyones marriage, I am no threat to anyones relationship.

Will you speak out with me, for me this political season? Please?
(You, yes you. All of you. I am not kidding. Yes, even you. You who make faggot/gay jokes on facebook pictures, you who are voting republican, you who have 3 children, and you who went to high school with me. YES! You. Please, I am asking, begging, pleading. Please.)

15 thoughts on “I AM “married”

  1. My married friends Rachel and Karen,
    I love you and I hurt for you that our society does not give you the same basic rights, recognition and respect that it gives to Laura and myself. I speak out on this to anyone who will listen any time I have a chance and I will continue to do so. I am holding your hands here across cyberspace and standing with you. Much love….

  2. Gorgeous. Simply gorgeous. Are you SURE you don’t want to move to Cali? ๐Ÿ˜‰
    The No on 8 folks are spending scads of cash for cable advertising in the LA area (and elsewhere, I’m sure). I honestly think it will be defeated. Just about everyone in my office (in deeply red Orange County, btw) have said they’re voting No. A few even said it was because of me, including my Mormon republican boss. He voted for Grampy & Caribou Barbie, but voted No on 8.
    Please let us do right by ALL our citizens. Not separate but equal. Just equal.
    Squeezes to you & your sweetie –

  3. My beloved and I got married in her synagogue- the rabbis refused to marry us as I am Christian-It’s the only GLBT shul in NYC, sigh, so we had to find our own rabbi, but they rented us the space.
    This past spring we went to Toronto and became legal.
    Where do you live.
    Your vows are lovely.

  4. Hey J, we are in Minneapolis, MN. I have no doubt that we’ll get there, and I am willing to wait. Yea for your marriage!
    SW – xo right back at cha’.
    Tiffany – thanks for the vote! whooo hooo!
    A – I am so blessed, so proud, so humbled to call you and your beloved FRIEND. Thank you. (grabbing your hand)
    ChoralGirl, thank YOU.

  5. Beautiful Article. And I am standing right by your side. It’s hard for me to comprehend why others would want to deny you the opportunity of marriage… and I admire and respect your courage to go forward, make the commitment, and be married anyway! Some advice Rob and I received (regarding our “mixed” marraige) Hold hands in public, keep being your beautiful & giving selves, and share your love… You will change the world. Michelle

  6. Convincing Blog ! You sound happy as can be ! I support this issue based on a persons right to freedom and right to choose!
    Congrats on 2 years in and cheers to many many more – ๐Ÿ˜‰

  7. I can only hope that in the future, people will look back @ this time with the same moral distaste as Womens right to vote, and the “Civil Rights for all” in the 50’s and 60’s.
    Today, it’s nearly impossible for most people under the age of 60 to even concieve of not allowing people to vote because of their Gender, or because of their skin color. To force people “to the back of the bus” or force them to drink from a different water fountain or go to a “seperate yet equal” school.
    Yet, some of these SAME PEOPLE think it’s perfectly OK to deny some of the same basic rights under the law just because of WHO someone wants to Marry.
    As someone who lives in California, you can bet that I’m voting “no” on Prop Hate(8).

  8. There’s a lot about living in the UK that I don’t feel patriotic about, but I am very proud that gay ‘weddings’ became legal nearly three years ago. Now you can find ‘pink’ wedding cards along with all the regular ones in high street shops.
    You’re right, of course, it’s a non-argument. It’s just the right thing to do. Great post.

  9. first off, i don’t think you are “yammering”…and don’t let anyone allow you to think that.
    I was at your wedding to Ms. Karen Mattison…I stood up for her and I will be the first (or maybe the 3rd, or 4th) to say that it was one of the most REAL, authentic weddings I have ever been to and been a part of.
    My friend Jeff and his partner Ryan live in San Diego, and are getting married on Monday 11/3, and have been working hard to get the message out about Prop 8. They work tirelessly day and night to get the word out.
    I saw true love with your wedding to “Ratchet” and see it everyday in your lives together.
    I will fight hard to make sure that everybody can get married/share equal rights, no matter who you are.
    Love is love.

  10. Rachel. This is a wonderful post.
    I’m going to try to find you on Facebook… I know Choralgirl, and I’m betting you guys are friends there. Just wanted to give you the heads up…

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