what will come

Yeah, I did it. I looked back at last years post to see how I did on my "resolutions" or intentions.
*ugh*
I am not sure why we do this. Its not as if January, in the dead of winter is a good time to resolve anything. I always find myself most hopeful, most ambitious in the spring. Spring solstice (March 21st, my mom's birthday) has always felt like a much better time. But here I am, on January 1st of the New Year wondering, pondering what will 2009 bring? What are my intentions for the year ahead?

Main Entry:  in·ten·tion      Listen to the pronunciation of intention
Pronunciation:  in-ˈten(t)-shən
Function:  noun
Date:  14th century
1: a determination to act in a certain way : resolve 2: import
, significance
3 a: what one intends to do or bring about b: the object for which a prayer, mass, or pious act is offered 4: a process or manner of healing of incised wounds 5: concept
; especially
: a concept considered as the product of attention directed to an object of knowledge 6 plural : purpose with respect to marriage.

For the last 3 years our NYE tradition has been to drink cheap bubbly with good friends in our hot tub in the back yard. Last night was no exception. With new friends we let the steam and intentions and dreams and hopes rise into the cold night air. The questions are always two-fold: What are your intentions for the new year, and best moments/events/time of the year past.

When I look at the definition above,
the definition that strikes me is #4, a process or manner of healing incised wounds. My intention this year is healing. I am ready, and maybe this time, this year, the rest of me is ready too. I have an amazing life: I have a wonderful partner that I adore who takes amazing care of me, I have a lovely home often filled with friends, I love the work that I do, I have wonderful friends and acquaintances. On the outside, everything is ready.

What seems like forever and a year now, I have made a choice. I have chosen to take care of others (former partners, family, work) rather than or instead of taking care or paying attention to myself. I would not change a thing and think that my choices have absolutely been the right ones. But choices, no matter what, always lead to results or outcomes of that choice. The outcome for me has been that now, all at once, my body feels safe enough to let it all go and fall apart. The good news is that I have the surroundings and environment to really make a difference. I am set up for success. And I have tons of new people and experiences (as well as learning new things from good old friends) showing up to help me along the way. The long and short of it all is that I have hope, and faith, and love. And with those three things, I am told anything is possible.

Happy New Year all. Thanks for being along for the ride.

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4 thoughts on “what will come

  1. That sounds wonderful and about time.
    I love you.
    So how would you sum it up in one word? I am trying to find my one word and that is what I am going to concentrate on.

  2. I don’t think we should be too hard on ourselves on this resolution stuff. Life is what it is. But I sense such strength and – yes – healing in what you’ve written here.
    I think 2009 will be a key year for so many of us.

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