50 days

 Each year (at least for the last 10 or so) for the week before and all during Ash Wednesday services I say my prayers and ask G-d "how might I keep a holy lent? What can I do to walk these 40 some odd days with You towards the journey into your death?"

In the past I have both given up and taken on. I have given up coffee, and once caffeine all together. I gave up TV one year. I have tried adding: reading, praying. Truth be told, adding–as a practice–I just find to be really a huge experiment in 40 days of feeling like a total failure. Really don't like it. What was the answer this year? SILENCE. Although the worship was a wonderful, there was no obvious answer or even hints and allegations as to what I thought could serve as an offering to observing and keeping a Holy Lent. Shit.

Fast forward to church, last night. The Easter Vigil.

I don't know how to explain it really. This Lent, G-d has felt silent, distant, far from me. Last night, G-d broke in through the darkness, through the silence and burst into my heart. I can't explain it other than to say my journey this year is not about Lent. It is about Easter.

This is my starting over, my new day. This is my own personal New Years Day. So, every day for the next 50, either here, or on my other blog, I will post. Some days it may just be a picture, some days a poem. It might be a story from the day, and it could be just one word. In any event–my journey and practice for the next 50 days until Pentecost (my favorite church holiday) will be to point out a sign of beauty, spring, hope, love, joy. I can't keep looking for the living among the dead. Join me.

Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia!

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5 thoughts on “50 days

  1. My homily today was about how outrageously exciting it is to be alive … We sang Christ is risen. Allelulia. Trampling down death by death. (stamp) … and talked about how Easter is about stamping out every thing little or big that keeps us from being fully alive …
    This blog is about being alive! Yeah. I’m looking forward to reading it during Eastertide!

  2. This is really beautiful, and my experience has been similar to yours this year – a fairly meaningless Lent and a beautiful Easter. Blessings to you.

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