open forum

The other day sweetie and I were out with friends. We happened upon a conversation that has got me to thinking, and its been a while since I’ve written (and I miss it, and you) so thanks for indulging me in my wondering out loud with you.

So we were with these really smart, quite savvy, quite supremely awesome friends when one asks something like: look, I have a fair amount of understanding with the GLB part of the LGBT community, but I’m sort of stuck and feeling like I need some help with the Ts—can I ask you about it?

“Well of course you can” we said, although not being a Ts we suggested that perhaps they could talk to the T persons directly, especially if they knew that you were not asking to be an ass, and were really wanting to help or understand better. It might be a really kind thing to do actually.

You know what they say about bisexuals ...

So, it got me to thinking; as an openly bisexual person who sees a lot of horrible stereotypes out there, I wonder if you, dear friends, readers, random people searching the interwebs, have any questions about what it means (for me, I can’t speak for all bi people) to be bisexual? What kind of stereotypes to you see about bisexual folks? Do you wonder how I can still be bi and be married? Is being bi about sex mostly or is it something else? Do you wonder why not just settle on being one or the other—why be both? What kind of questions do you have lurking and just have not had a place to ask them?

So, its open forum time. Leave me a comment, send me a note or email. Ask me what you have been just dying to know about. No holds barred (unless you are an asshole or are abusive, I don’t respond well to those requests) ask away, anything. As the questions come in, I’ll post. And if you don’t ask, I’ll probably make something up so I don’t have to look like a lonely jerk (read, please ask).


19 thoughts on “open forum

  1. another fellow bisexual with another thumbs up 🙂
    If no-one asks it, I would still like to know your answer to the “how can you be married” question as I get that a lot.

  2. As identifying bisexual do you feel more accepted in the straight world or gay world? Why or why not?

    I ask with a plan in my head, just call me Nadia on this one. 😉 LOL

  3. Weird as it sounds, I’ve not thought about this. I don’t know that I really understand what bisexual means. We met less than a year ago, you and your beloved, and I’ve never really thought about any details. I see you as Rachel and her as her (I’ve not read enough of your blog to know if you use names for specific people) and the two of you as a committed couple. Married. Period.

    But, now that you bring it up and have made me think about it, I’d like to have some insight on what being bisexual means in relevance to being married to a woman.

    Love and hugs to you both!

  4. Do you have two partners? Or simply attracted to both sexes? If it’s the latter than I would assume everyone is bi. Cause at one time or another we have all seen someone of the same sex and been attracted to them, and the opposite as well.

    Anyway I have always found it a bit confusing when someone married identifies themselves as bisexual. Is it just attraction or 2 actual relationships going on?

  5. We have names and we have labels. I use my name so that people will know who to talk to, whose books to read, who to send the checks to, but thse are pretty much material things. As to labels, we use those to identify with a larger group, those who are not me but who have the same feelings, share the same experience, and seek many of the same things.

    By identifying with others who share these similarities, we are neither alone nor abandoned. We identify ourselves with labels because we want and need not only support from others, but to give support to others as well.

  6. Love the questions folks – keep ’em coming! I’m keeping a running list and start answering them starting tomorrow. If you want to remain anonymous, just send me your comments by email or note on FB.

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  8. I have always assumed (uh-oh!) that bi means you love who you love, and it might be a man or a woman, no matter what your gender is. Is that right? And by love I mean romantically, you know…

    I’m straight (is that an offensive word, btw, and if so, what is a better word?) and I’m married to a man. That doesn’t mean I don’t find other men attractive. But our commitment/agreement means monogamy.

  9. As your little sister, can I just say that I think this is wonderful? If only everyone had as much patience and love within them as you do- my oh my how the world would be such a different place. I think that you are so courageous, Rach. I found myself reading some of the questions and feeling my feathers get a little ruffled by the unfair misconceptions about the GLBT community- and then I put on my “Rachel goggles” and remembered that you said to ask anything and that knowledge is a wonderful way to cure ignorance. That said-since you are in the know- be contagious, girlfriend!

    Love you.

  10. When I was six years old and in first grade, I fell madly in love with the most beautiful girl in the world. Her name was Christine. When I was seven, I met a boy who smelled of hay and glowed in the sun. He and I fell in love. When I was ten, her name was Bonnie. His name was James.

    My whole life, love has never been about gender. It has always been about the person. And when there was sex, it was always the same, the taste of love, the taste of a lover, the sharing of each other, the delight not just in one’s own pleasure, but in the pleasing of another. Male or female, it was about the essence of love, the essential joy of being.

    Whatever is the reality of bi, it is the reality of me. And frankly, I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks. I give a damn about my lovers. I live and love for their – and, yes, my own – pleasure. For me, bi is not a division, but a union.


  11. Yes, you may post up front.

    If you can, please try to reference my web site: I know it’s a bit of shameless self-promotion and while I make my living as a writer and a poet, I like to think that some of what I write has meaning for all of those caring individuals who like me survive the loneliness of empathy by the simple act of embracing all of humanity.

    If you have the time, do take a look at: and not just the just simple throwaways, the other pages as well. I am not all that great or competent, but I am sincere.


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