Week 3 in this little series “all you wanted to know about (this) bisexual aka the Open Forum” This weeks question?
As identifying bisexual, do you feel more accepted in the straight world or gay world? Why?
On face value I want to answer the question by simply saying: neither.
For many bisexuals, we are not accepted in the straight world–well because we aren’t, straight that is. We can surely pass as straight, just as surely as we can pass as queer; it all depends the gender of our relationship at the time. As for acceptance, I have often felt like an outsider in my own land, both “worlds” as you put it, tend to prefer hard and fast lines of right and wrong, distinctive understandings of what it means to be straight, or gay. But friend, here is the truth about what I have come to believe: No one will accept me, if I don’t first accept myself.
But I want to see if I can pose the question in another way. What if we asked: Identifying bisexual, do you feel more accepted at home in the straight world or gay world? Why?
I feel completely at home in both–because I no longer choose to see a distinction between the two. We are all related—Mitakuye Oyasin—and if I keep up or perpetuate the false dichotomy that there are worlds between cultures, we can never truly be ONE WORLD, interconnected, related.
A quick story: A while ago my partner and I were in church. I don’t know what happened—a particular moment, story, prayer, who knows but as we often do, we held each others hand. A friend sent me a note later saying he was glad to see we felt comfortable enough to do that. It made him smile.
The thing is, we hold hands (or smile across a room, or gush about the each other when we are not in each others company) not because we are trying to make some sort of a “we’re-here-we’re-queer” statement. We do it because that is what we do. That is what love looks like for us. Its what makes sense for us. We are blessed enough to live in a place where we won’t get killed for that sort of behavior.
Now, this is not to say that I don’t see the obvious communities that exist for sub-groups of culture and community. I do. And—I love the ones I am connected to. I mean, can you believe it is only 124 days till Pride weekend in the Twin Cities! Eeeek! It is one of my MOST favorite weekends, because it is a time to be with “my people”—a big fat queer weekend generally resembling an overblown family reunion, where my weird Aunt Madge gets a little drunk and inappropriate. But I digress…
Where do I feel most at home, accepted? In my own body, with my people—queer and straight, with my family, and most of all, with my beloved.
Do you have two partners? Or simply attracted to both sexes?…I have always found it a bit confusing when someone married identifies themselves as bisexual. Is it just attraction or 2 actual relationships going on?