Bisexuality: what’s REALLY goin’ on?

Sorry for the break! (enter excuse here *sigh*)

Back in the saddle again, today I continue to unwrap your questions about what being bisexual means for me. Question:

Do you have two partners? Or simply attracted to both sexes?…I have always found it a bit confusing when someone married identifies themselves as bisexual. Is it just attraction or 2 actual relationships going on?

First, thanks for the question JB! I think its a more common question than one might think. Glad to answer.

Having multiple partners is actually a practice called Polyamory. And no, I am not polyamourous. Our marriage is monogamous–we both happen to be one partner at a time kinds of people.

A common misunderstanding about someone identifying as bisexual is that there is a NEED to engage sexually with both sexes, that somehow that sexual fulfillment is not complete without both a male AND a female sexual partner. For me, this is just not the case. Again, like I said in a previous post, because I can, does not mean I need to or that I should.

I do wonder about the part of your question addressing attraction, and the assumed action out of that attraction. I wonder why that question seems ok to ask someone who is homosexual, but we don’t think about how many hetero people have multiple attractions in the course of their lives; sometimes at times that overlap in a current relationship or marriage. People, either with full knowledge and disclosure, but often without, act on their attractions to another within the confines of a relationship or marriage–and many of them, are not homosexual relationships. Husbands cheating on wives, wives on husbands–why don’t we ask all people to answer if they act on their attractions? This seems to me to be more realistic and more reflective of what really happens.

Next up: Isn’t bi sort of a redundant label when you’re married and, ideally, settled with one person for the rest of your life?

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