Can you imagine being asked to go through your home to remove all images & traces of your relationship/spouse/love? This, my friends, is what I did before laying my head down to sleep last night. Remember the story about “Sam?” Well, the story continues. Sam, graduates today (YAY Sam!).
Sam’s whole family is in town—parents, grandparents, close “friend” (ummm hello, girlfriend), close “friend’s” whole family (I know right, whole family.)—all to celebrate what my amazing young friend has done. Its an exciting day. And its just at the very tail end of keeping up appearances. We have been asked to be a part of the whole keeping up with appearances. Out of love, we have said yes.
Sam’s family is coming over today to see the home that Sam is moving into. Her parents, like any loving parents, want to see the first place their baby will live in after she graduates from college. We have been that place for her. She DOES have her own room in our home. She has keys and can come and go as she wants and needs to. But today is the parent visit, and Sam, is not out.
We have a beautiful home. Its not a gay home, its a home. It doesn’t have gay family pictures, it has FAMILY pictures. We have a wonderful kitty, who adores Sam, who has never noticed that we are gay. But were we to not de-gay’ify the house, Sams family would know–that we are not just roommates—Sweetie and I—they would know we are family. And right before the big reveal, that is just too risky.
But as wonderful a thing it has been to be who we are with Sam, having to hide away our love, our family, still hurts. A lot. I posted the opening line of this post on facebook last night and my dear friend Lindsey said it best I think when she said
“No, I can’t imagine that and the fact that it is difficult for me to imagine really makes me pause and reflect on my straight-privilege. I humbly hold you in my prayers.”
Friends, this whole experience of mentoring, loving, and helping a new young queer girl from an evangelical family has been so wonderful, challenging, frustrating, joy-filled; I would not trade it for all the tea in China (I love tea).
Though most of you who read this either know me personally and are already on board with the LGBT love, persuit of happiness, and letting me live my life the way that I do. But I can’t help but wonder—to my straight married friends—what would it be like for you to go through your home, and remove all images of your family, so as to not appear straight.
Reminds me of this wonderful little commercial.