I want to write, but can’t—I feel stuck. I want to tell you all how it all is, but just can’t find the words. Or better, I’ve used all the energy earlier this week just to stay upright, in heels and hair-do all a-coiffed. I am exhausted beyond description. My skin is thin, I’ve given beyond where I thought I ever could. Amidst all of this:

I love my life. I love my job. I am happy—blessed even. I do SO dearly miss my beloved, my friends, family, Solomon’s Porch community, and cooking—yes cooking.

This is not depression, this is exhaustion.

I have laughed so many times these past few weeks; but only those who hardly know me have heard these moments (that have been so fleeting and rare all these years). I wish you could see me, I wish I could see you. But here I am, and there you are.

I don’t know what to do about this. Fear about what happens next looms. I trust, I pray, I do my best. Then, let go.

Lord, in your mercy,


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