on being out

Tomorrow Today is National Coming Out day.  When I was first coming out (18 years ago) the day had a punch, a shout-ish, rather rambunctious quality to it. I was young(er) and angst-y “I am here, I am queer, you can’t ignore me!” Today, I am in a much different place, but I am still going to recognize the day and let my queer flag fly.

Sweetie and I have been married now almost 5 years. To most people, this is no big deal. We are just two lesbians in love, living our lives together, happily, joyfully. But we aren’t–two lesbians that is. We are two women, one lesbian, and one bisexual. I am, and always will be, bisexual. And again this year, I am coming out.

Being bisexual is not easily understood; there are so many of us, all with varying ideas on what it means to identify this way.  Too often the queer community doesn’t believe we exist. They say “can’t you just admit it already: you are gay/lesbian.” The straight world finds us to be a novelty–perhaps we could join in on your marital bed, say add little spice in your dull sex life? [barf] The resources for bisexuals are few, the numbers of us are MANY, and many opt to just keep it on the down low. Its a private matter, sex.

With all of the shit treatment from the gay / straight spectrum, it is no wonder many don’t come out.

Sometimes (just sometimes) I wish there were one kind of bisexual, so as to be understood, not feared, made fun of, mocked or just plain ignored. But then again there isn’t one sort of gay man, straight woman. There isn’t one kind of Jew, Muslim, Hindu or Christian. There are all kinds of left-handed people, and those brown eyed people–varied as the stars. If only we could understand all there is to know about having Lou Gehrig’s disease from Morrie. But there isn’t one brand of human, no simple box to check summing up the whole of who we are. Nope, we are stuck with the joy (and pain in the ass) of all being  special, unique, different, beautiful, beloved in the eyes of the One source of love.

Tomorrow Today is National Coming Out day. I came out 18 years ago, and am coming out again this year. I come out to join my voices with others, to say you are not alone. I come out because I remember what it was like. I come out because I want to continue to put THIS face on your perception of bisexuality. I am bisexual. I am out.


5 thoughts on “on being out

  1. “I am bisexual. I am out.”

    A serious question. Do you practice polyamory? Sincerely, and gently, does bisexual mean you also have a male partner, or partners?

  2. Rachel,

    Thank you. I’m just wanting to make sure I’m understanding the terms correctly. I’ll check out that other piece.

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