fourteen years later

mom pink001Mom,

You never were a huge “Dark Side of the Moon” fan (yes, I know ‘The Wall’ was always your favorite), but as I sit here listening to it play, I can’t help but think of you and wish you were here. 14 years ago you took your leave from us, and God damn it all if it doesn’t still hurt like hell like a motherfucker a lot.

There are so many things you’ve missed out on, so many times I’ve tried to call only to realize there was no number where you could be reached. You’ve never been a frequent visitor in my dreams, I wish you would be. I sure have a lot of questions still. And I need a hug. Stop by will you?

Mom, I want you to know how much I miss you. I want you to know I haven’t forgotten. I want you to know when I toss a salad in a bowl made to feed a small army and then proceed to eat out of that bowl, I think of you. I want you to know that I still rock a mom scarf every once in a while—silk and yours—beautiful and timeless. When I ride the spin bike (yes, I am working out now) I think of you on that damn airdyne for hours at a time. How on earth DID you do that?

Most of all, I want you to know that when I do something good, something you would be really proud of, Ratchet looks at me—much like you did—and tells me how proud she is. Sometimes I feel like it’s you that is really there, behind her eyes, loving me from the other side.

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5 thoughts on “fourteen years later

  1. I am sure your Mom was a wonderful lady! You are a reflection of her in many ways I am sure! I know you miss her deeply! Sending lots of love your way!

  2. We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl ,year after year, running over the same old ground, but have we found the same old fears… wind…

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