Married? Yes. Monogamous? Yes. (sigh)

First up in my open forum on what do you want to know about this bisexual (because lord knows I can’t speak for all of them!), question one:

How can a person who is bisexual be married (and monogamous)?

In thinking about how I would try and answer the question, I thought I’d would try and come up with an analogous question. The best I could come up with was well put by my sweetie:

How can it be that a dog can sniff another dogs butt, without wanting to have sex with it?

Sound silly? Yep, I think so too.

I guess I should start at my definition of bisexual. For me it means that I am able to be in a sexual relationship with a person regardless of their gender identity or genitalia–male, female, genderqueer, trans–it all works for me.

This ability however, does not equal necessity. Or even desire. It does not even mean that because I can, I should. It only means I am able. Gender, sexual organs that accompany a person, are not a factor in who I find attractive–sexually or otherwise.

Marriage. Now there is a tricky concept eh? I mean, it seems lately that the whole definition is up for discussion. So what kind of marriage are we talking here, Brittney and K Fed? Perhaps a marriage of convenience (don’t for one second kid yourselves to think this doesn’t happen anymore)? Are we talking civil marriage or a religious ceremony? For me, I prefer the “traditional” understanding of two people, in love, committed to being in a lifelong partnership of laughter, sickness, joys, hardships, triumphs and struggles. I honor and prefer the practice of monogamy; I am a one on one kind of gal. What I find ridiculous is that had my lifelong partner been a man, instead of a woman, my marriage would be recognized by the US government, and all the strings attached—from taxes to hospital visits. But I suppose that is another post altogether.

Now let me say this as clearly as I can: being bisexual (in and of itself) does not affect ones ability to be in a monogamous relationship. One (being bisexual) just is, it is not a choice or preference or request. It just is. The other (monogamy) is about a choice and commitment, fidelity and honoring an agreement. I would contend that anyone who wants to choose monogamy, can. I did not ask, choose or request to have the capacity to love—sexually and emotionally—anyone. I do however, consider it a gift and blessing.

Next up “Do men (people) call themselves bi when they can’t (yet) admit they’re gay?”